I thought I could shift away from it without consequence.
I thought I could get by each day with only a little bit of it.
I was wrong.
To be fair, writing these think pieces every weekday is incredibly difficult. And there are definitely days where I just want to not have to. And to be fair I don’t “have to” it is something I chose.
I may have been a little overly ambitious when I made that decision, but I made the decision and I stuck with it. For longer than most people stick with anything.
And then I stopped, I still published on the regular but it was different.
And I felt different.
I don’t know what it is about opening up my brain and showing everyone what it looks like behind my eyeballs that fuels me. But there is something about the process, something about being that open and exposed and vulnerable that really helped me to grow.
But I held a lot back.
I probably will still hold some things back.
I think I started to think that no one wanted to hear about the hard things that I deal with, I started to think that I had walked the path of certain topics so much that no one wanted to hear, so I started shifting the message, I started harping on progress and pushing forward and reaching your goals no matter the cost.
And the most dangerous thing was I started buying what I was selling.
In the book series “The Magicians” we follow Quentin Coldwater as he gets inducted into a secret college of magic in New York. He learns through trial and error just how costly magic can be, in addition to being incredibly difficult to learn, and in addition to having to account of seemingly infinite factors the most important lesson he learns is that all magic comes at a cost. And this is one of the most correlated point of the whole book to real life.
Because everything has a cost.
Everything we want has a cost.
Everything we want to accomplish has a cost.
The question we have to ask ourselves as we chase the things we want is are we willing to pay the price for the thing we want?
Are we willing to pay the emotional price?
Are we willing to pay the price in our relationships?
Are we willing to pay the price in patience?
Are we willing to pay the price?
Right now I am looking at paying a really high price for something I want. And I have to ask myself that very question.
Am I willing to pay the price?
And I am starting to write daily to make sure, and remind myself that I am. So all of you get to follow along on my vague journey, because details are not ready to be shared.