Sometimes I don’t feel like an impostor anymore.
This is a good thing.
Back when I started these daily musings I had a hard time defining myself as a writer, even though I have been writing something or another for most of my life, be it music, poetry, or these think pieces.
There always seems to be a moment thought where no matter how hard you try to fight it you feel like you will always be going down the road of “fake it til you make it.”
I hate the idea of “fake it til you make it.”
But you feel that way…like an impostor who is not really the thing you want to be.
And I realized that for me, it’s the external validation that makes a difference, I realize I should be more internally driven, I realize that I shouldn’t be connected to the opinions of other people. But I am. So I have to embrace it.
The idea of my neuroticism being a “feature not a bug” has been one of the more empowering concepts I have come across in the last few years.
And that external validation?
I used to see it as a bug.
Until I started making real progress.
Then it became a feature.
Right now I am starting to comb through all my old posts and put together the makings of a book, it’s a huge pain in the ass and I might have to disappear into the middle of nowhere for a few days just to get the compilation done.
But I only have all that content to comb through because I told people it would be happening every day, so I write every day.
And lo and behold in a few months I will have a book with my name on the cover.
I will have finally written a damn book.
And once that one is done?
On to the next one.